How Forgiveness Heals the Forgiver
How Forgiveness Heals the Forgiver
By: Dr. Roger Landry, MD, MPH
It happens all the time – Your crazy uncle makes an embarrassing remark about you during a family reunion and gives away a secret. A guy in a big SUV cuts you off because he’s too busy talking on the cell phone to notice you were right there. Your boss passes you over for a promotion – again. A coworker makes the same suggestion that you did months ago – and gets the credit. In these situations your pulse picks up and your mind races. You keep revisiting these scenarios over and over, can’t think of much else and are unable to move on…
The truth is, we humans are – all in all – a pretty good lot. But as humans, we often unintentionally offend, injure and get under each other’s skin. In some cases, we can even become violent and kill. For some of these injustices – such as a person who shows no remorse for what they’ve done – forgiveness is a tall order to ask of even the most peaceful person.
In a recent article I was writing about forgiveness, I was reminded of the story of Nelson Mandela. Here was a man who was imprisoned for 26 years for fighting apartheid, who forgave those who took away his freedom – even after he was elected President of South Africa and could have easily had his revenge. He said that if he did not forgive his captors, and leave the bitterness and hatred behind, he’d “still be in prison.”
What did he mean by that statement?
Forgiveness is more about the forgiver than the forgiven. Holding on to negativity or anger is associated with higher levels of stress and the myriad of negative health outcomes associated with it, including heart disease, stroke, depression and poor immune health. Forgiveness is about choosing to live free of hate, anger and negativity, and it’s the only way you’ll find peace. After all, why allow the person who hurt you to continue to do so – why give them that much power? Think compassion, forgiveness and acceptance of loss … There lies peace. The Dalai Lama tells us true happiness comes with compassion, and the first step towards compassion is ridding ourselves of anger and hatred. It makes sense, doesn’t it? Live long. Live well!